recently not really crazy about blogging liao
althought the thought of chatting online still tempt me (:

school is getting tougher and tougher for me
sometimes really losing motivation to study

just feel like giving up
be a good for nothing
dont want to do homeowork anymore
just go school listen to teacher can liao
walau

but for some unknown reason ,
something just spurred me on

keep telling me to continue
cannot give up

maybe because im always afraid of stuff by nature
scared teacher scold , teacher punish , mother scold
cowardly
its rare to see me talk back to teachers
actually , there was never the occassion that i rebelled against my teachers
mother have la
but after a few words , scared liao
become silent
scared cannot beaten . scolded , chided
then cry
aiya , everytime rebel i confirm will cry one lor
scold my sister or brother also the same
i will end up being at the disadvantage
what the hell

today mr yeo made me stay back after school
to do maths
because i didnt do work today
so have to finish it and do some extra exercises lor
although i dont really like it ,
but it made me realised something
i work well in the school environment
and when im doing my work in school ,
i will not daydream
just concentrate on getting my work done
dont know how to do , start to ask people

wow
i think my method of learning is really changing
last time it used to be independant learning
but now
i have my reservations
maybe its good if i have a study group
actually , i already thought of it long ago
but , confirm cannot one
mother lor
like so selfish
lol
make me study myself
dont know then hire tutor
as if
i figured out that my stinginess and selfishness was probably derived from my mum
its only natural for a child to follow the way and nature of her parents ma
its true that parents are role models
hais

eg . dad+mum likes talking loudly , always talk on the top of their voice over a trival matter
'talk like want to fight like that'
thats what my mum said about me
which i know is true
i know i have this la , but its just so hard for me to change
even my student pointed that out to me
i hope they wont get influenced by me
or i'll feel really guilty

hais , no choice
i dont get to pick my parents
its fate
bobian
want to run away from it also cannot

but i want a little more freedom
just a bit more
like maybe , let me off to go study with friends ?
or sometimes go meet friends whom i havent met for a long while ?

i dont mind the naggings la
like everytime must do homework , everytime use com , stop slacking around
im used to it already la
although it gets on my nerves at times

read about this blogger
and im really envious of her lor
maybe if i have this much freedom ,
i would go overboard la

im a person who has lousy time management
and also cant control letting my emotions taking over me

eg. want to do homework , study hard after school
my dear brain is very cooperative
but my dearest heart says no
how ?
i follow my dearest lor

ended up slacking around at home
take super long amount of time doing work
just cant help but daydream
its just fill my mind
i cant help it
like yst , bent on finishing my newspaper article which is due today
spent the whole day writing it out
what the fuck
i spent 4 hours writing a piece of shit
something that i think isnt really that good

i dont know what going on with me man ..

ncc tmr
recently feel so slack
dont even want to go
but i paiseh
and again ,
scared scolding
so just go lor
i waited so long for this
to be a senior
so i can scold the juniors
aha
im not going to let it go by a moment of impulse man
not worth it
never worth

god , save me