oh man
this day just totally suck
today had shooting ma
i wanted to get marksman
thats what i hoped for since last year
during trainings , i did well
quite well in fact
and when i wanted to do better during the actual stuff ,
i actually did worse
its always like that
raised my hopes , then dash it
its the same this year again
i didnt do well
i dont even think i passed
which is so disappointing
i guessed i was really affected by it
didnt even bother to talk to anyone else after that
i just kept quiet throughout the whole journey
there are points where i can actually talk to the girls
but i didnt even bother to
didnt even want to sms
just stand in the train look around
like a complete idiot
and , im not even bothered
which is something unsual
cos i never like people looking at me like im some idiot

been thinking what caused me to not do well
as usual , blaming stuff on others
the girls that went were not close to me ,
so never talk to them
as a result , no motivation , because normally i talk to the guys
talk to them then go mood ma
cos it lifts my spirts
without them , im lifeless
cos i dont talk
and , we were the last batch there
then everything was done quickly
even the lights were on
and , my position all wrong
everything seems wrong today

and best of all ,
i've got work tmr
yay , how nice
face all those kids again
but i dont care anymore
im just going to be like a walking robot
taking instructions and doing what im supposed to do
without life
im not going to work so hard anymore
its just hard to interact with kids !
i just cant do it
i thought i managed to
but , i still couldnt
its a fact that i cant work with kids
let alone have fun with them
tried lying to myself that i can do it
but i just cant

im tired
both mentally and physically
its just exhausting
im going to get sick soon
so happy
it means getting a trip to the doctors
ooh , love it
i want to relax
but the problem is , there is no free time
when i want to spent weekdays at home ,
my dad will say , go for archery
or else , my mum will say , stay at home do homework
like that im going to die of exhaustion
working throughout holidays
much worse than going to school

HELP